Ruiz Kidnapping Puts Phillies Season in Jeopardy



Kidnappers eagerly await minor leaguers & bobbleheads

Phillies officials confirmed on Wednesday that Carlos Ruiz was kidnapped during a trip to visit family members in Panama.  The Identity of the kidnappers is unknown but within hours Ruben Amaro Jr. he brought the incident to a successful conclusion. 

The incident bore an eerie resemblance to the recent kidnapping of the Nationals Wilson Ramos but it was successfully resolved without military action.

Amaro responded to the kidnapper’s initial demand of $10 Million with a counter offer that formed the basis of an agreement.  Unconfirmed reports indicate Scott Boras represented the kidnappers.

 Ruiz was released after Amaro offered 2 minor leaguers, $250, a one year supply of Dollar Dogs and Charley Manual Bubbleheads for each Kidnapper.

When questioned, Amaro said he was pleased with the final details and said this will not count as an option for either minor leaguer.  He said this was a win-win solution for all.  The Phillies are high on the potential of both of the traded minor leaguers but they are considered soft and unconditioned.  Amaro said a stint living in the mountains with the kidnappers was just what they needed to reach their full potential as players.

Neither of the minor league players were not identified pending notification of their relatives and they were available for comment.

Hilary Discovers New Family Tree Branch

Hilary Clinton did not expect any surprises when she agreed to appear on the NBC Show, “Who Do You Think You Are”.  She soon found out that like most families there are secrets waiting to be uncovered.

Genealogical researchers discovered that she is actually the great granddaughter of Popeye the Sailor.

Hillary was reportedly shocked by the news but commented that it could explain her long time passion for spinach. 

Striking Family Resemblance

 An evaluation of family photos further supported the findings and showed a shocking resemblance between Mrs. Hilary and Popeye.

Hillary was not available for comment but her spokesperson said, “She am what she am.”