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Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Undocumented Aliens Invade DC
Alien attorneys discuss suit
An alien spacecraft landed on the mall in Washington DC early this morning setting off alarms and elevating the Military readiness level to Defcon 4.
At 11:08 AM, three creatures emerged from the craft as terrified onlookers ran from the scene. The creatures were carrying a case and quickly left in a cab headed towards Pennsylvania Avenue. Police and military attempted to pursue but were unable to keep up with the taxi as it sped towards Georgetown.
At 2:18 PM the creatures returned and immediately called a press conference before boarding their spacecraft. The aliens are able to communicate using any earth language but settled on Spanish because they assumed it was the national language. Apparently, they had been to California last week but no one noticed anything unusual as they travelled the state.
The Aliens announced that today they served legal papers on several Georgetown area residents attempting to register stars and that more suits would follow.
The Aliens distributed copies of a document and announced that they represented the Galactic Matter Development Board in a claim against 28,000 earthlings who are attempting to change the names of previously claimed stars through StarRegistry.com.
As word spread, masses of local trial lawyers began to assemble in the area hoping to represent the earthlings named in the suit.
The Aliens contend that 92% of the stars have already been claimed by citizens of Galdorp 7 and that any further activity would result in 8th Degree intergalactic lawsuits that are decided in a physical battle to the death between opposing lawyers. On their world these lawsuits are shown on highly rated Holographic Video broadcasts.
They report that in addition to providing entertaining violent programming it significantly limits the number of frivolous lawsuits.
As the Alien spoke, the assembled trial lawyers began to quietly leave the area and declined to comment.
Shortly after the craft rose and disappeared on the horizon, the Senate took up debate to determine if the aliens were entitled to citizenship and all benefits. The San Francisco Board of Supervisors approved a vote declaring it was an official Sanctuary City for any intergalactic aliens who choose to settle there.
A spokesman for StarRegistry.com said they intended to aggressively contest the charges. There was no confirmation to reports that they are unable to find a lawyer willing to represent them. At last report they are working with World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) to find a representative to handle the suit.