Friday, January 7, 2011

Jason Werth Returns to Phillies

Phanatic on the way out
Ruben Amaro confirmed that the Jason Werth will be rejoining the Philadelphia Phillies after a blockbuster trade with the Washington Nationals.  Werth demanded a trade after he realized what a dumb move it was to sign with Washington now that the Phillies have added Cliff Lee to the starting rotation.

Washington agreed to pay all of Werth’ s salary for the next seven  years after Amaro agreed to include the Philly Phanatic in the deal.  Amaro said Washington also wanted 2 Beer Vendors recently acquired from San Francisco but he was reluctant to deplete the vendor staff as he expected stadium sales to be brisk next year.

Amaro said, "We all know what a key part of the Phillies the Phanatic has been but he's reaching the end of his playing around days and we felt it was time for a change.  Amaro said he approached Werth about helping fill the Phanatic’s shoes and Jason said, "No F#&*#$*  way”. 

Shane Victorino then stepped forward and offered to wear a furry costume and dance on the dugout during the bottom of the sixth inning at home games.  Victorino will also wear the costume while playing Center field in the top of the 6th inning.  The new mascot will be called the Phurry Phlyin Hawaiian.

When asked about his reaction to the trade the Phanatic said nothing but waved his arms wildly and drew devil horns on a photo of Ruben Amaro.

It is reported that the Nationals received $100 Million Dollars from government stimulus funds to complete the deal.  Officials explained that the signing turned out to be such a disaster it qualified for the money under the Cash for Clunkers Program.

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