Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Religious Controversy Strikes Holiday Season

The world was stunned to learn that Jesus Christ has officially changed his name to Jesus Holi.  Christians around the world rejoiced at the announcement that returns religion to the “Holi”day Season.   

Retailers are scrambling to determine how to handle the change.  Employees were previously instructed to avoid using “Christmas” and told to wish customers a “Happy Holiday” 

There are now reports of widespread confusion.  Many retail employees merely lower their eyes and mumble at customers to avoid offending anyone.  Advertisers are stunned and both print and TV ads are on hold until experts sort out the legal issues.

Some retailers are merely telling customers to “Be Happy” and traditional Holiday Music is being replaced by repeat airings of Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”.

Publishing houses are quickly moving to issue updated versions of the Bible incorporating the name change.  A spokesperson said, “We expect it to be a big seller during this Christmas…uh…Holiday…uh...I mean Happy Season.”

Atheists and other easily offended groups are outraged at the tactic and the ACLU plans to file a restraining order challenging the authority of Jesus to legally change his name.

An ACLU spokesman said this has never happened before and accused Jesus of being inconsiderate of the many who are now unsure if they are still offended. 

When asked why He took this action, Jesus just said, "Joy to the world"


Frederica said...

But if Jesus isn't an American citizen, how does an American court have jurisdiction over the name change? Is ACLU going international?

Mark Time said...

The courts ruled that Jesus is an undocumented resident. Apparently Jesus has applied for in-state tuition in California so they feel they have jurisdiction.

They may also go to the Hague if necessary.

Frederica said...

Ah, go to the Hague yourself!